


Fair is foul and foul is fair, Hamlet style

by tryskelyon (Erwan_O_Dannan)



Category: Hamlet - Shakespeare, SHAKESPEARE William - Works
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Gen, Hamlet - Freeform, Kinda, This was written as a joke, Witches, before canon, fuck marry or kill game, how do i use thou/thee ?, i wrote this instead of working, wikipedia wasn't that helpfull
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28568586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erwan_O_Dannan/pseuds/tryskelyon
Summary: Claudius is drunk at his own birthday party, and meets three witches outside.or,fuck, marry, kill, hamlet style
Kudos: 2





	Fair is foul and foul is fair, Hamlet style

**Author's Note:**

> not beta-ed, i die like yugoslavians during oluja '95.

Claudius had too much of a drink on his birthday day. Yes, he liked alcohol and danish beer, but he never drank to the point of mighty blurry vision and uncoordinated movements, until now. His step-sister, and soon lover if his plan would work, together with his brother, the old King Hamlet, looked down on him with clear exasperation as he swallowed yet another Carlsberg. They are just magically appearing in front of my eyes, said to himself the king, as if someone wanted me to be drunk. His foggy mind just brushed off the idea, and he took another big _glup!_ from his ale. 

Only, his natural needs could not be ignored any longer, not after so much gold liquid in his stomach. The wobbly King got up, and made his way outside the castle, his memories to blurred to remember where the nearest cabinet was. As he faced the walls of his now own home to empty his bladder, he heard the wind gain in power, and a mysterious fog install itself. 

Not the less worried by that, thanks to the alcohol, he finished his business and turned around. But oh what strange scene was awaiting him! On the grass, not twenty metres away, three women were standing. One was so little you could have mistaken her for a child, if her eyes did not show immense wisdom, another was as fair as a maiden, too old to be a maiden but too young to be a grandmother. The last was old, her back bowed by the years and her skin wrinkled by time, as if she was born when stars appeared in the sky (and was strangely named Queen Elizabeth the Second in another universe). 

Claudius froze, his drunken mind too fatigued to process what was happening.

"Who... who... who are you?" asked the disturbed man in a slurred speech.

"This does not matter, for we are here for thee," the youngest spoke.

"We bare three wishes at thine attention," the middle one continued.

"Thou shalt choose who to bed, who to marry, and finally who to murder," the oldest screeched in a voice.

"Beware of your choices, as they cannot be changed," finished together the three of them.

The man looked again at the women, before erupting in an alcohol-induced laughter.

"You are some strange looking women, I will give you this. But as it is my birthday, I shall complain to your request."

Claudius looked around, and saw none. He had ideas, yes, and the danish ale he drank was inhibiting him enough for him to say the things he thought. 

"I shall kill my brother, for I want his crown, I shall marry the throne, for I want this kingdom, and I shall bed my Queen, for I want her very much."

"Thy wishes will be heard," answered the little girl. 

"Thy wishes will be considered," continued the woman.

"Thy wishes will become true," finished the oldest of the three.

The fog impossibly toughen, leaving Claudius merely blind, before disappearing as fast as it came. The three visitors were nowhere to be seen. What a strange encounter, thought the soon-to-be king, as he went back inside, another beer already on his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first thing i publish since god knows when. hamlet curred my writer's block lmao
> 
> also yes, i included three witches as in Macbeth, because i hadn't any other ideas.


End file.
